Can someone please explain to me how it’s possible for me to be so annoyed/disgusted by the “male species” yet I still feel the need to have one of the dirty, smelly beings in my life?
For reals, this is a mean little game someone upstairs is playing.
Let’s start with this story…
I met a guy on Tinder almost a year ago. He is WAY too old, like the dude reminds me of my dad. He’s about 15 years older than me. We turned whatever nonsense that meeting was into a friendship that revolves around playing volleyball with a group of people every Saturday.
A while back, he had a party to watch football. OK cool, I’ll go. I’m always down to meet new people. I also met his parents.
Fast forward to Saturday (I skipped volleyball because a certain Army Guy was in my bed). Volleyball guy informs me his parents are making dinner and have a soccer watching party Monday night. I feel obligate to go. SO I drag my feet, accept the invite, make brownies (and eat batter in the process) and show up to the party Monday night after work.
Uh… more like party for ONE.
I was the only guest.
So it was volleyball guy, mom and dad and me.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dinner was good. His dad talks about himself a lot (as does he) and really, the entire time I was there, I wanted to inflict personal harm.
WHY? I am so confused, especially because a few months ago volleyball guy even said “don’t worry I’m not hitting on you.”
Oh and the best moment of the night? His mom said “So, (Volleyball guy) tells me you had a few questions about IBS?”
He said “no mom, that’s a different friend.”
True story people. I can’t make this shit up.
OK, OK. Army guy?
Well that hasn’t been going very well. He blew me off last weekend. I was pretty much over it. (I don’t put up with bullshit any more)
He apologized and wanted to take me to sushi and what girl is going to turn that down?
Sushi > drinks > bowling > drinks > me puking after tequila (sound familiar) > him taking care of me > drunken sex > sleep over at my place > waking up early to take my roommate to the doctor > me bringing bagels home to him in my bed (at which point he began to fall in love) > fooling around > him finally leaving.
Then I had a date with a different guy on Sunday. He’s hot, Brazilian and very sweet. We’ve been out a few times but this time we got a bit closer, I saw his house and decided he might be gay. Or possibly just very, very metro. He has better sunglasses than I do and drives a Jetta.
I’ve talked to Army guy a bit since our Friday night rumble in which he gave me an open invitation to come “snuggle” whenever I want. Yet at one point he also texted me “What up brochacho?”
Back to me hating me. Can you see why?
I’m going home to Denver in two weeks, and until then I’m focused on getting my life back together, like going to the gym and paying bills. You know, all that being an adult shit.
I need a little clarity.
I also need Army Guy to get his shit together and make more of an effort to see me — and never, ever use the word brochacho again.