Ring of Fire (and moonshine)

It’s my one day a week to sleep till 9 a.m. and what happens? I go out the night before and wake up at 6 a.m. feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus.

I finally have the urge to write, so I’m in bed pounding the keyboard. Let’s see if anything of interest comes out.

OK I know you’re dying to know what ring of fire and moonshine is all about…

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A few weeks ago over libations I was chatting with my girlfriend/yoga teacher about God knows what (that’s what happens when I drink wine) and we decided it would be fun to burn shit. I’m talking wedding photos, love letters and whatever else is holding us back in life.

It sounds super hippie I know, but just wait, it gets even better.

On Sunday, we went through with it. Like full-on bonfire on the beach.
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I don’t have any shit to burn because I threw all that out the day I caught Fuck Face cheating. I still have a few things, like signed playing cards which were our guest book, and photos with friends and family. But it’s all packed away at my grandparents’ house to keep me from going through it and possibly wanting to inflict harm on others.

I promise I’m not crazy, I only get the urge to stab Fuck Face about once a month.

Back to the fire.

It was awesome. Also, when did I become such a hippie?

Seriously, the sun went down, the moonshine and weed came out and a few of us, (I only knew my girlfriend) talked about life. And here is where a new “moving piece” is introduced, but you’ll have to wait to hear about that one.

Moral of the story? I love this place and these people. And I’m going to say it, I’m thankful Fuck Face left me. It gave me the opportunity and empowerment (ironic eh?) to do crazy shit like this.

And as the moon came out, Jupiter floating below it (I know because I pulled out my stargazing app) the fire was dying down and I realized life is pretty damn good.

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Eye roll, hump day and other shenanigans

Hell froze over this morning when my phone rang and Fuck Face was calling. Seriously, that’s his name in my phone.

I swear, the minute I begin to forget his existence, he somehow manages to make himself known again.

He called to tell me “our” health insurance company was hacked and I need to go to some website to see if my information was taken.

OK.
1. I work in the news, I’m aware the company was hacked and I’ve already taken precautions.
2. Did he really need to call? A text, an email, a fucking letter would have been fine. But a phone call?

In other news:

Coach is moving to BFE Iowa. I found out on Facebook. So that’s done. Like really done this time, we haven’t spoken in more than a week.

I had a nice date with a guy I met whole playing corn hole at a bar. He took me to a nice restaurant in the marina. He was a bit shy. No kiss. But he was a gentleman, opened doors, pulled out my chair, you know. No second date planned yet but we are talking.

I started my new position last week and the schedule change is putting me on my ass. Though it could also be my neck problems or the sack of weed hidden in my drawer.

My roommate is moving out. He screwed me over, I yelled, there was cussing, I apologized. I’m moving in with a girlfriend in a few weeks. This could be amazing or absolutely terrible.

I managed to get a raise! Not much, enough to buy a few more packages of ramen since that’s really all I can afford to eat. OK I don’t eat ramen but you get what I’m saying.

And that’s all for now. Happy hump day ❤️

P.S. The photo is from my run on the beach this morning. Hooray for getting my ass out of bed!

Life is a pain in the neck

I’ve been MIA, I know.

I have good reasons, I promise.

1. I completely fucked up my neck, at yoga of all places. My C1 and C2 vertebrae are out of place. I’m seeing a chiropractor who is also doing electrotherapy and acupuncture three times a week. So really, she is just talking all my money. But I’m convinced it’s working because I literally feel high when I leave.

2. I was promoted to a new position at work.  A lot more digital stuff, think graphics, charts, polls, social media. I start next week with a new boss and a new schedule. NO MORE SUNDAYS AT 7 AM! And no more nights. So maybe, just maybe, I can have a normal dating life! (Ha, who are we kidding?) I completely screwed someone else over in the process (not by choice) We switched jobs because she is terrible at hers….. So there is a bit of tension and a lot of gossip in the office.

3. I blew a lot of money on a cruise, because I fucking deserve to be on a boat, with a balcony room in the Bahamas for several days — where I can be lazy, get massages, read my book and answer to nobody. (except for maybe my best friend who is joining me). It’s an “I made it a whole year in a state where I know zero people” celebration. Cue the tequila.

4. And then there is Coach. On last update, we were on the outs. I extended the olive branch (as he put it) after not talking for several days. We took a bottle of wine to the beach that night — my favorite thing to do —  and talked about three hours. It was his idea after I said something to the likes of I’m done trying, ball is in your court. For the first time we got pretty deep. I should mention we went through similar situations. His wife left him, then had a baby with a man less than a year later. You all know my situation with Fuck Face. And we admitted we both have issues with trust, with opening up and with putting an effort forward because we are both so fucking scared of a repeat. Things got even deeper when we both admitted suicidal thoughts shortly after our significant others left us. For me, I on several occasions wanted to take a razor to my wrists. I never did. For him — he went through with an attempt. That story was gut-wrenching, but I needed to hear it from him. We both know what it is like to hit rock bottom. To have the one person in the world you love, you would do anything for look at you and say “I don’t want you. I’m in love with someone else.” He said

You don’t buy a ring, make a plan and propose without thinking you know it’s going to be forever.”

So yes, I’ve been avoiding writing. I’ve been stuck in my head (and in my bed). I had a hard week.

On a brighter note, I’m beginning to discover that I no longer feel like the “divorced girl.” I feel like a normal person. I don’t bring the subject up anymore like I used to. Though I do bitch about being single (ha!)

As for Coach — he is in Iowa for a job interview. I sure know how to pick ‘em don’t I? He said he doesn’t want to move and he applied for this job in October. If you recall, a certain Mr. L moved to Colorado after we started dating.

If Coach stays, I’m not sure what will become of us.

Story of my life.

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Sisterhood of the world bloggers award

WOW! I am absolutely honored to have been nominated by my lovely blog friend Athena (Divorce With Me) for a blog award! This lady is fabulous and has help me through my good and bad days. We’ve been through similar situations and knowing she has my back (even though we’ve never met) means more than she will ever know! Thanks girlie! xoxo (p.s. If I could nominate you back, I so would!)

This is what she said —> 1. When Doves Fall – Recently divorced, has great wit and just fun to read. Love her bite!

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HERE ARE THE FIVE RULES TO FOLLOW:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site.

2. Put the Award logo on your blog.

3. Answer the ten questions sent to you.

4. Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer.

5. Nominate seven blogs.

HERE ARE MY ANSWERS TO DIVORCE WITH ME’S QUESTIONS

1. Will you give me a brief synopsis about your blog? Divorced one year ago after he cheated, moved to a new state, new job – my blog is my way of dealing with it. (and bitching about it!)

2. What do you do outside of blogging (without divulging anything too private, of course)? I’m a journalist, I love yoga and the beach. Good thing I moved to the beach!

3. When did you start blogging? April 2014, right before my big move.

4. Why do you blog? Stress relief! Writing my emotions down gets them out of my brain. I’ve met some wonderful people in the process!

5. How often do you post and why? At least once a week. Some days I want to post, other days I have to force myself. My therapist encourages my blog (and the cussing).

6. Do your friends and family know you blog? They know about it but they do not read it (Because I won’t let them).

7. How do you feel about posting personal pictures and info on yourself? I do it. I’m real, I’m human, this is me. If people I know stumble upon my blog and figure out it’s me, so be it.

8. Do you have more than one blog? If so, please share. I have a professional blog that really need to be updated!

9. What part of the world do you live in? Florida! I spent 26 years in Colorado before I moved to the beach.

10. What kind of music are you into? Indie Rock is my favorite, though I blast EDC at the gym and some days are country days.

AND HERE ARE THE BLOGS I’VE NOMINATED FOR THE SISTERHOOD OF THE WORLD BLOGGERS AWARD:

1. Pablo’s Wife from He Never Said He Loved Her. This woman is a fighter. She is honest and I admire the path she took. “This is my journey through the mucky waters of my husband’s infidelity”

2. The Opposite Side of the Street: Katie is hilarious and as real as it gets. When I first started blogging, knowing she was going through something similar made me feel so much better!

3. Lessons from the End of a Marriage – Great blog. Her and I have some good twitter banter from time to time. And again, she reminds me that I’m not alone on this journey.

4. I Put the Ass is Sassy: She’s funny, honest and doesn’t give s shit what others think, refreshing!

5. Divorced Kat: Her and I root for each other on  twitter, we are both divorced and navigating this horrible, terrible dating world.

6. Phoenix from Broken Christian Heart: Another strong woman going through a divorce, and I was fighting through the holidays right there with her!

7. SLAMMING THE RESET BUTTON: I’m new to following this woman. It’s so hard to tell our stories of abuse, betrayal and divorce. She is doing it.

MY QUESTIONS FOR THE NOMINATED SEVEN BLOGGERS:

1. What is your blog about?

2. Why did you start blogging?

3. When you started, did you think you’d end up where you are? (meeting people etc.)?

4. What’s the best thing about your blog?

5. What are some of your hobbies?

6. Do your friends and family know you blog?

7. How do you feel about posting personal pictures and info on yourself?

8. What is one of the best decisions you’ve ever made?

9. What part of the world do you live in?

10. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

I want to remind all of you wonderful women that you are amazing, strong and beautiful. No matter what you are going through (though for most of us it’s divorce) know that we are in this together. Thank you all for sharing your stories with me, whether you know I followed your story or not, you all inspire me.
Thanks again Athena!
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View from the top

It’s Sunday.

I went to bed at 1 a.m., and woke up at 6 a.m. to shower for work.

At 6:15 a.m. I rolled my still-drunk-self out of bed and into the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up, half ass shower (I know you know what I mean) then crawl back into bed to sleep for another 20 minutes.

I made it to work by 7:10 magically.

However, I look like hell. Like no makeup, glasses and a T-shirt hell. I’m the only one in the newsroom on Sundays thank God.

Here’s what went down.

I went to a seafood festival yesterday with two friends, a couple, so I got to be the third wheel (yay me!) It wasn’t bad and I actually had a GREAT time. We had a lot of beer and seafood (and gater bites, because Florida).

We even took our beer on the Ferris Wheel! Here’s the view from the top.

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After, we went to my place to freshen up, forced my roommate away from the TV, grabbed a few other friends and headed to a bar on the water for some reggae.

Beer was flowing and I was having a great time. A guy in his 30s walked over to hit on my friend. Girl just turned 20 so I stepped in front of him to save her. He hit on me which proceeded to us walking out to the dock to chat … and make out.

Then we danced, then he wanted to go home with me. (He lives out of town.)

I said no, he got mad. I walked away.

Found my friends, danced some more, went home, ate food I shouldn’t eat, got on tinder (damn it) then passed out.

I didn’t talk to Coach at all yesterday.

I briefly talked to him this morning, he didn’t have much to say.

I’m counting down the hours until I can crawl back into bed.

Here’s to being young and single, a place where it’s fully acceptable to make out with strangers in bars.

Mom would be proud.

One year later

Well here I am — exactly one year later from the day I heard my (ex)husband tell another woman he loved her.

I always wondered where I would be today.

A year seems like a long time, yet in some ways I feel like that knife was put in my back just yesterday.

Today, I’m celebrating me. Celebrating that I was strong enough to get through the year, moving out of “our” home, then moving 2,000 miles away, leaving my dog and life behind. I started a new job, got a divorce, lost 15 pounds, discovered I love paddle boarding (among many other new things) and have grown into the woman I was always meant to be.

And so, to remind myself that I can do anything, I did this:

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OK let’s get to the good stuff.

•Coach stayed over last night, and I actually had a very, very good night (and morning) with him. Which is funny because the day before I was contemplating cutting things off with him.
•I’ve toyed with the idea of getting back on a dating site. But then I remember all the shitty dates I put myself through.

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•My job is taking up a serious amount of my time right now, therefor my life is a little boring.
•Oh but Mr. L is still hanging around, we are trying to navigate the friends water but we somehow come back to flirting and sexting quite regularly (ugh!)
And that’s all for now. Time for a large glass of wine while I admire this new ink!

Karma and I — we’re a thing now

I seriously cannot make this shit up.

Remember my Karma story about this little man?

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Well, the letter is from my great (very gay) uncle, and the man is Fuck Face. I’m supposed to put the little man in water and freeze his ass. The last time I did this, he lost his job. I felt bad, so I let the poor bastard thaw out. (Why the fuck did I feel bad after what he did to me?)

Anyhow… He pissed me off again by shorting me $100 from his monthly I-suck-at-life payment.

So I froze him again. (Tied him to a rock so he would sink.)

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And then I got this text.

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Mind you, he still lives in Colorado (I’m now in Florida) and Peoria is a small city in central Illinois where my mom, step-dad and sisters live. He’s been there several times, with me of course. And now, he is working FOR THE SAME COMPANY AS MY STEP-DAD! And will be in Peoria regularly for the next year!

Holy Shit!

Talk about bad luck! I sure hope he doesn’t run into my mom or step-dad, though I secretly hope he does. He got off very easy after what he did. My family kept their mouths shut (at my request). Now, I think he deserves a little reminder about what a piece of shit he is. And there is no better woman to do it than my mother.

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OK enough about that POS.

I said goodbye to Mrs. Therapy on Tuesday. We had a good talk about how I am letting go of being “perfect” and a people pleaser,something I’ve done my whole life. It’s time to rid of that thought process. I’d like to keep going to therapy but my insurance won’t cover it (all hail our healthcare system).

Things are good with Coach. We spent the day together yesterday, he made lunch AND dinner for me, we saw a movie, he met a few of my friends who were over watching football with my roommate. (This is a huge step you guys). The apartment cleared out and we finally had some alone time. And…. mediocre sex turned into pretty good sex!

The problems: He’s not great at reciprocating questions (even simple shit like how was your day) and that irks me. Also, we have opposite schedules and are lucky to see each other more than once, maybe twice a week. Oh and there’s the fact that I dated his roommate (shut up, don’t judge me!).

But hell, I’m not worried about the future, I’m working on right now. And right now he cooks, rubs my back and knows how to work magic in the bedroom. So right now is good.

And I will leave you with my final elevator photo.

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