Out with the old, in with the new?

There’s been an interesting turn of events the past week.

For starters, Single Dad dumped me. Don’t be too surprised, I didn’t exactly put a whole lot of effort into keeping the relationship alive. He said he was tired of me being so back-and-forth. Who me??

Honestly, I’m relieved.

I had a date with a new guy. Which turned into three dates.

Date one: We met at a local bar for a drink and hit it off. Walked to the pizza joint then to a geocache spot and finished at my favorite tiki spot with plenty of swings, hammocks, live music and giant Jenga. All of which we enjoyed.

He kissed me goodbye

Date two: We met at a restaurant/bar on the water. Had a quick dinner then mingled with the crowed listening to music. We ended up cozying up at the bar and spent two hours people watching and gossiping together. On more than one occasion I received compliments on my dress and twice we were called a beautiful couple.

Yeah, I was on cloud nine.

And we danced….

The night ended with us sneaking onto a sailboat to kiss under the stars.

We will get to date three in a moment, I just have to explain how amazing (and boy free) the rest of my Memorial Day weekend was. Yes the paddle boarding and time in the sun was amazing but I was lucky enough to take another flight with my friend. This time we went to Sarasota and it was BEAUTIFUL.

Yes, my mother tells me all the time, I live a spoiled life.

I call it Karma for the hell I had to go through with Fuck Face to get to this point in my life.

sara1 sara2

sara3 sara4

OK date three: I went over to his house for wine and a movie. We managed to make it through the first movie (except for an intermission to sit on the patio and watch a thunderstorm roll in). But 10 minutes into the second movie we were all over each other. He ended up picking me up and carrying me to his bedroom totally cross-the-threshold style. NO I did not sleep with him!

But there was a lot of kissing and touching and you know…

He told me I should stay, and let me just tell you… every part of me wanted to stay but with my luck I was fighting stomach problems and knew I needed to go home to avoid any embarrassing situations.

UGH

Had I stayed I’m sure more would have happened than I would have liked.

You want details about him huh?

OK… 6-feet-tall, Army vet, is in the process of taking over his parents’ business. Owns a home and a very nice car. And I have to admit, he is a year younger than me.

Yep. I’m totally cradle robbing!

And the best part? I am SO attracted to him (Unlike my many issues with Single Dad)

Yes I’m still out to have fun. No I’m not trying to lock this one down or let him do the same to me.

But being called a beautiful couple is still pretty fucking awesome.

Why you shouldn’t drunk text … and other shenanigans

If you recall, I did a really dumb thing. I got stupid drunk and texted Fuck Face.

Nothing (too) crazy, just a selfie and me wishing he wakes up every day knowing what he walked away from. You know, normal shit.

I played it off (OK, tried) by saying a friend sent it and said “don’t worry, I’m not pining over you.”

A week went by and he was silent except for an “accidental” voice text of noise and voices I couldn’t quite understand.

I had to message him about money, because for some fucking reason the guy cannot seem to pay me every month. We are still paying off that beautiful wedding we had.

His reply: Shit sorry I forgot, I must have been pining over something else.

Ouch.

Well played.

Of course the conversation didn’t end there. We chatted about stupid shit like if a friend really sent my drunken selfie. I said it was dual effort but my friend actually sent it. Yes that’s complete bullshit.

He asked about regrets and what I miss.

I said I missed our dog, some friends and the weather. (I live in a different state now)

I think he got the point that IDGAF about him. At least that’s what I want him to think.

He made it pretty clear he doesn’t miss me either.

The shitty part is the conversation shook me up for a few days. Amped up the anxiety a bit.

In other news, I had a great birthday! My girlfriends took me out for drinks, then there was an after party and of course, birthday sex from Single Dad.

birthday

Yes, he is still in the picture…. sort of…

When I woke up with him in my bed (and finally sober) I told him to quit the bullshit about being possessive and jealous and just to enjoy what we do. He smiled and nodded.

When did I turn into a 23-year-old bachelor? “Just enjoy what we do.” So douchey.

I’m also back to online dating…. and again, it sucks. At least it’s entertaining.

What did we learn?

Don’t get drunk and text Fuck Face
I have the love life of a 23-year-old bachelor
Online dating sucks.

My life is awesome.

Becoming a yes girl

Can we please talk about how I went through months of complete Hell after I caught my husband of eight months telling another woman he loved her?

OK, that’s not the part I want to talk about.

I want to talk about what happened after I made it through those hellish months.

An amazing (albeit hard at times) life happened.

Here’s my awesome story:

I was running with my friend on Thursday when a neighbor/friend called and asked if I wanted to fly to Miami for a few hours. He’s a pilot and needs hours for his commercial licence. I should also mention he’s a bit “sweet on me” but is only here for a short time and is way too young for me.

My first reaction was no (out of fear of small planes and really needing to go to the grocery store). So I promised I would join the fun soon.

And by soon I mean we made plans that night to fly to Key West on Sunday.

It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.

It was a small, four-seat plane, I sat shotgun and was in complete awe as we few at 500 feet along the southeast coast of Florida.

Keys plane_ezra Port_everglades Profile_Airplane Stuart_DJ WPB

Yes, my story is awesome. And It all happened because I said yes. Yes to a new place, new friends, a new life. Just say yes.

“Bad things can happen, and often do–but they only take up a few pages of your story; and anyone can survive a few pages.”

YES!

Side tracked by life

It’s been far too long since I’ve blogged and I’ve realized a lot can happen in a month including an awesome vacation and a relapse (texting my ex)

Grab some popcorn, this’ll be fun for you — not so much me as I admit my fucked up life choices.

The cruise

It was my first, not quite what I expected yet still pretty awesome. My best friend flew out, I hadn’t seen her in a year and the first two hours were a bit awkward. We stopped at Trader Joe’s where she proceeded to tell me “Florida ha changed you.”

More like a divorce and a skin cancer scare has changed me — but whatever.

We got right back into the swing of things, drank way too much (see muster drill photo below) I got seasick, gained 5 pounds then spent three days recovering.    

    

The boy situation

I’m sorta kinda seeing single dad. And by that I mean seeing him in person one to two times a week for great food and great sex. Technically he is still married, wife cheated, she is living with her boyfriend. And there is that minor detail that I’m not all that attracted to him. But things are changing, he is growing on me. It’s a really nice change to have someone really want to take care of me. So nice I don’t know how to deal with it and I keep running away….. He came to my rescue last night when I got home late after a concert, pulled the band aid off my back and had a meltdown over how huge the wound is on my back from where my doctor took a chunk of skin (and what looked like other human body parts) about the size of a silver dollar. No stitches just a hole. And me, who has been a complete wreck lately, didn’t have any band aids big enough to cover my hole. So he happens to call, I’m crying, he figured out why then arrives at my door 20 minutes later with band aids and my favorite ice cream. My heart melted. I accepted the help — and back rub.

I’ll keep you posted on what happens with him.

Moment of weakness

Ready for this story? It’s a good one. And by good I mean my most embarrassing night in YEARS.

  • Friday night 6 pm: I’m pounding wine.
  • 8 pm: girlfriends convince me to go out on the town.
  • 10 pm: I’m dressed, looking pretty hot, also completely shit faced.
  • 10:30 pm: girlfriend drives us to another girl’s place, I bring wine in the car.
  • 11 pm: in the car I send a text to Fuck Face with a selfie included saying something to the likes of “I hope you wake up every day realizing what you walked away from.”
  • 11:02 pm; I text my best friend (the one from the cruise) and admit what I did, she asks way, I say I don’t know, I realize I’m an idiot.
  • 11:20 pm: I send another text to fuck face saying “shit sorry, that was my friend. Don’t worry I’m not pining over you.”
  • 11:30 pm: shots of pineapple vodka 
  • 12:30 pm: I puke in my friends car.
  • 12:40 pm: My sorry ass is dropped off at home and the girls head out to the club.
  • 7:50 am: roommate knocks on my door as she is JUST COMING HOME FROM THE NIGHT OUT. Wakes me up, I’m still drunk and I have to shower to go to the doctor to get a chunk of skin removed.
  • 9 am: Finally sober – realize how embarrassed and stupid I am for texting fuck face and puking. 

To answer your question, fuck face never responded. And I had NEVER sent him a text like that before. Still trying to figure out what the fuck was going through my mind.

Other updates

I’m going back to Colorado for the first time since the divorce, it’s been more than a year.

I’m on a mission to lose 10 pounds, somehow between drinking, eating and cruising I’ve packed on the pounds. (Wonder how that happened.)

New roommate situation is going well – we get along great and balance each other out. But we do dabble in the weed a little too often. 

And that’s all for now. I’m going to go bury my head in the sand for a while.

F%$K you Facebook

Commence anxiety attack.

I’m sitting at my desk on this lovely Friday and Facebook decides to remind me that exactly two years ago, I was on a plane surrounded by my family, closest friends — and soon-to-be husband.

facebook_joke

Gee, thanks Facebook. And fuck you too.

I absolutely want to be reminded of how excited I was to be starting a life with, who I thought was my soulmate.

Fuck

Thats about all I can say right now.

Oh, and the best part? I told Facebook I didn’t want to see that post and Facebook apoligized for “showing me a memory I didn’t want to remember.”

Awesome.

My anniversary is Sunday.

Think he will remember?

Think he will think about that day? About me?

Why do I even give a fuck? I’ll be spending the day with my grandparents, going to church, out to eat and to the beach. And thanking God every second of the day for giving me a second chance at life and having the strength to walk away from fuck face.

And I just cried in the bathroom at work. Awesome.

The whole time I was in there I was thinking “get your shit together” something I regularly (and jokingly) tell my girlfriends.

I told three people about Facebook’s cruel little joke.

My best friend Alex (who will be here in a week for our cruise) my girlfriend at work (who is one of the very few people who gets to read this blog) and Single Dad (because he has gone through this and c’mon a girl need a bit of love).

And of course, all three were supportive and amazing and Alex told me to “drink up” (this is why she is my bestie).

Single dad sent me a poem (why does he have to be so amazing?) (see poem at end the end)

And suddenly I feel better. Thanks for listening to my tangent. Here’s to moving forward.

– End Rant –

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Man cleanse and a big move 

Ok not really. I’m literally moving five buildings away. 

Today I’m packing and organizing and starting to say goodbye to my first Florida home.  

This place has so many memories. (Read: random drunken nights and sexcapades. )

And I am so proud I was crazy enough to leave Colorado, everything I had known, for a solo adventure in this magical place.  

I’m moving in with a girl from work (praying it works out great, my track record is not exactly winning) to a bigger, nicer place and away from the wonderful slob of a roommate/like a little brother dude I’ve been living with since November.

Anyways, I’ve got some updates.

I’m supposed to be on a man cleanse. And to help with that, my doctor removed a sun spot/large freckle from two inches above my vajayjay.

Yes you read that correctly. I haven’t worn pants in a week because of it.

But, that didn’t stop me from have a romp sesh last night.

Gasp …. Single dad is back and once again blowing my mind.

Man cleanse?? No, I’m way too horny for that shit. 

I need to finish packing. UGH  

 

Bridge of tears



I just finished my Monday bridge run. This time as I triumphed through the “finish line” I broke down in tears.

I don’t remember the last time I cried.

What’s funny is I used to cry all the time. Now, through this journey I’ve grown such a hard exterior you could throw rocks at my face and I’d still smile.

It might be time to see Mrs. Therapy again.

It was nice to cry, though it didn’t last long. I am still vulnerable. I’m afraid of a lot of things. I’m proud of a lot of things. And I am really struggling with my 30-day man detox. To you it sounds stupid, but to me it’s a very hard thing to come home at night and nobody gives a fuck about your day or the fact that you had a borderline mental breakdown on a bridge in one of the most beautiful places.

i told my gay best friend about my struggle. His answer?  “Girl, you just need some sex!”

Yes, this is very true.

And as much as I want to call single dad, the guy who rocked my world, I know I need to wait this out. I need to let myself feel this pain and stop distracting myself from the healing process.

So here we go, my 30-day man detox continues. 

At least I have nature to distract me ❤️



<brgirl, you="" just="" need="" some="" sex!