Man cleanse and a big move 

Ok not really. I’m literally moving five buildings away. 

Today I’m packing and organizing and starting to say goodbye to my first Florida home.  

This place has so many memories. (Read: random drunken nights and sexcapades. )

And I am so proud I was crazy enough to leave Colorado, everything I had known, for a solo adventure in this magical place.  

I’m moving in with a girl from work (praying it works out great, my track record is not exactly winning) to a bigger, nicer place and away from the wonderful slob of a roommate/like a little brother dude I’ve been living with since November.

Anyways, I’ve got some updates.

I’m supposed to be on a man cleanse. And to help with that, my doctor removed a sun spot/large freckle from two inches above my vajayjay.

Yes you read that correctly. I haven’t worn pants in a week because of it.

But, that didn’t stop me from have a romp sesh last night.

Gasp …. Single dad is back and once again blowing my mind.

Man cleanse?? No, I’m way too horny for that shit. 

I need to finish packing. UGH  

 

Bridge of tears



I just finished my Monday bridge run. This time as I triumphed through the “finish line” I broke down in tears.

I don’t remember the last time I cried.

What’s funny is I used to cry all the time. Now, through this journey I’ve grown such a hard exterior you could throw rocks at my face and I’d still smile.

It might be time to see Mrs. Therapy again.

It was nice to cry, though it didn’t last long. I am still vulnerable. I’m afraid of a lot of things. I’m proud of a lot of things. And I am really struggling with my 30-day man detox. To you it sounds stupid, but to me it’s a very hard thing to come home at night and nobody gives a fuck about your day or the fact that you had a borderline mental breakdown on a bridge in one of the most beautiful places.

i told my gay best friend about my struggle. His answer?  “Girl, you just need some sex!”

Yes, this is very true.

And as much as I want to call single dad, the guy who rocked my world, I know I need to wait this out. I need to let myself feel this pain and stop distracting myself from the healing process.

So here we go, my 30-day man detox continues. 

At least I have nature to distract me ❤️



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All the moving pieces

There are so many moving pieces (I don’t know what that says about me) and I’m going to introduce a few more. So to get you up to speed:

Fuck Face
You know and (probably hate) this guy. He is the reason I started this blog. To recap: I met him in high school. We connected in college, fell in love and got married after four years of dating. We had a home and a dog. Eight months after the wedding, I heard him tell another woman (I knew) that he loved her. I proceeded to punch him in the face, kick him out of the house, fall to the ground (as my life in that moment ended) get up from the ground, drink heavily with my best friend, destroy a lot of things and make a plan to move to Florida — all in a matter of hours mind you. I still hear from him, the asshole called the other day. And he sends me money every month to pay for that wonder fucking wedding we had.

Coach
He is gone now, he decided to take a job in Iowa for some fucked up reason. He was 38, a teacher, divorced. We had great chemistry but he would have been a horrible boyfriend. I found out he was moving on Facebook — not a complete surprise, I knew he had an interview and such. I was pretty pissed, called him out on it and we didn’t speak for almost two weeks. I did get an apology from him the other night. So you know, Hobby Lobby refers to making out in the back of my car in the parking lot after too many drinks (how embarrassing).

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Mr. L

I started dating him a few weeks after moving here. Then he moved to Colorado, literally miles from where I just came from. We still talk. For a while we were still hooking up when he came home for holidays. Now he is dating someone. We fight like brother and sister now (or maybe husband and wife? ew!) We just had yet another fight and it went something like this…. (alcohol and encouragement from a friend was involved and I’ll admit, I still have feelings for him *^$%@&^)

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Golfer

I had a nice date with him. We met over corn hole at a bar. And it pretty much ended after that one nice date.

Single Dad

I’m not sure if I mentioned him yet. Yes, surprise, I don’t tell you guys absolutely everything just about 99 percent of it. We met on tinder, he is a divorced, single dad. He is very sweet, treated me like a queen. The problem was I just wasn’t that attracted to him. So I cut things off. Then he sweet talked me into giving him a second chance and things went well for about two weeks. Somehow without being that attracted to him we had amazing sexual chemistry and mind-blowing sex! WHAT THE FUCK how does that even happen??? But I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to show him off to my friends and that’s a big problem. So that’s done.

Photog

And finally, Photog is the latest guy to make the blog. I met him at the burn last weekend at the beach. He brought my inner hippie out. He is very sweet and excited about life. I saw him again one night during the week at the local watering hole. Then I decided to hit up a spring training baseball game with him. And after a few hours I decided I am not attracted to him either. Damn it! What is my problem??

I need a serious break from dating and men and just yuck.

Yuck.

Ring of Fire (and moonshine)

It’s my one day a week to sleep till 9 a.m. and what happens? I go out the night before and wake up at 6 a.m. feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus.

I finally have the urge to write, so I’m in bed pounding the keyboard. Let’s see if anything of interest comes out.

OK I know you’re dying to know what ring of fire and moonshine is all about…

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A few weeks ago over libations I was chatting with my girlfriend/yoga teacher about God knows what (that’s what happens when I drink wine) and we decided it would be fun to burn shit. I’m talking wedding photos, love letters and whatever else is holding us back in life.

It sounds super hippie I know, but just wait, it gets even better.

On Sunday, we went through with it. Like full-on bonfire on the beach.
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I don’t have any shit to burn because I threw all that out the day I caught Fuck Face cheating. I still have a few things, like signed playing cards which were our guest book, and photos with friends and family. But it’s all packed away at my grandparents’ house to keep me from going through it and possibly wanting to inflict harm on others.

I promise I’m not crazy, I only get the urge to stab Fuck Face about once a month.

Back to the fire.

It was awesome. Also, when did I become such a hippie?

Seriously, the sun went down, the moonshine and weed came out and a few of us, (I only knew my girlfriend) talked about life. And here is where a new “moving piece” is introduced, but you’ll have to wait to hear about that one.

Moral of the story? I love this place and these people. And I’m going to say it, I’m thankful Fuck Face left me. It gave me the opportunity and empowerment (ironic eh?) to do crazy shit like this.

And as the moon came out, Jupiter floating below it (I know because I pulled out my stargazing app) the fire was dying down and I realized life is pretty damn good.

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Eye roll, hump day and other shenanigans

Hell froze over this morning when my phone rang and Fuck Face was calling. Seriously, that’s his name in my phone.

I swear, the minute I begin to forget his existence, he somehow manages to make himself known again.

He called to tell me “our” health insurance company was hacked and I need to go to some website to see if my information was taken.

OK.
1. I work in the news, I’m aware the company was hacked and I’ve already taken precautions.
2. Did he really need to call? A text, an email, a fucking letter would have been fine. But a phone call?

In other news:

Coach is moving to BFE Iowa. I found out on Facebook. So that’s done. Like really done this time, we haven’t spoken in more than a week.

I had a nice date with a guy I met whole playing corn hole at a bar. He took me to a nice restaurant in the marina. He was a bit shy. No kiss. But he was a gentleman, opened doors, pulled out my chair, you know. No second date planned yet but we are talking.

I started my new position last week and the schedule change is putting me on my ass. Though it could also be my neck problems or the sack of weed hidden in my drawer.

My roommate is moving out. He screwed me over, I yelled, there was cussing, I apologized. I’m moving in with a girlfriend in a few weeks. This could be amazing or absolutely terrible.

I managed to get a raise! Not much, enough to buy a few more packages of ramen since that’s really all I can afford to eat. OK I don’t eat ramen but you get what I’m saying.

And that’s all for now. Happy hump day ❤️

P.S. The photo is from my run on the beach this morning. Hooray for getting my ass out of bed!

Life is a pain in the neck

I’ve been MIA, I know.

I have good reasons, I promise.

1. I completely fucked up my neck, at yoga of all places. My C1 and C2 vertebrae are out of place. I’m seeing a chiropractor who is also doing electrotherapy and acupuncture three times a week. So really, she is just talking all my money. But I’m convinced it’s working because I literally feel high when I leave.

2. I was promoted to a new position at work.  A lot more digital stuff, think graphics, charts, polls, social media. I start next week with a new boss and a new schedule. NO MORE SUNDAYS AT 7 AM! And no more nights. So maybe, just maybe, I can have a normal dating life! (Ha, who are we kidding?) I completely screwed someone else over in the process (not by choice) We switched jobs because she is terrible at hers….. So there is a bit of tension and a lot of gossip in the office.

3. I blew a lot of money on a cruise, because I fucking deserve to be on a boat, with a balcony room in the Bahamas for several days — where I can be lazy, get massages, read my book and answer to nobody. (except for maybe my best friend who is joining me). It’s an “I made it a whole year in a state where I know zero people” celebration. Cue the tequila.

4. And then there is Coach. On last update, we were on the outs. I extended the olive branch (as he put it) after not talking for several days. We took a bottle of wine to the beach that night — my favorite thing to do —  and talked about three hours. It was his idea after I said something to the likes of I’m done trying, ball is in your court. For the first time we got pretty deep. I should mention we went through similar situations. His wife left him, then had a baby with a man less than a year later. You all know my situation with Fuck Face. And we admitted we both have issues with trust, with opening up and with putting an effort forward because we are both so fucking scared of a repeat. Things got even deeper when we both admitted suicidal thoughts shortly after our significant others left us. For me, I on several occasions wanted to take a razor to my wrists. I never did. For him — he went through with an attempt. That story was gut-wrenching, but I needed to hear it from him. We both know what it is like to hit rock bottom. To have the one person in the world you love, you would do anything for look at you and say “I don’t want you. I’m in love with someone else.” He said

You don’t buy a ring, make a plan and propose without thinking you know it’s going to be forever.”

So yes, I’ve been avoiding writing. I’ve been stuck in my head (and in my bed). I had a hard week.

On a brighter note, I’m beginning to discover that I no longer feel like the “divorced girl.” I feel like a normal person. I don’t bring the subject up anymore like I used to. Though I do bitch about being single (ha!)

As for Coach — he is in Iowa for a job interview. I sure know how to pick ‘em don’t I? He said he doesn’t want to move and he applied for this job in October. If you recall, a certain Mr. L moved to Colorado after we started dating.

If Coach stays, I’m not sure what will become of us.

Story of my life.

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Sisterhood of the world bloggers award

WOW! I am absolutely honored to have been nominated by my lovely blog friend Athena (Divorce With Me) for a blog award! This lady is fabulous and has help me through my good and bad days. We’ve been through similar situations and knowing she has my back (even though we’ve never met) means more than she will ever know! Thanks girlie! xoxo (p.s. If I could nominate you back, I so would!)

This is what she said —> 1. When Doves Fall – Recently divorced, has great wit and just fun to read. Love her bite!

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HERE ARE THE FIVE RULES TO FOLLOW:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site.

2. Put the Award logo on your blog.

3. Answer the ten questions sent to you.

4. Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer.

5. Nominate seven blogs.

HERE ARE MY ANSWERS TO DIVORCE WITH ME’S QUESTIONS

1. Will you give me a brief synopsis about your blog? Divorced one year ago after he cheated, moved to a new state, new job – my blog is my way of dealing with it. (and bitching about it!)

2. What do you do outside of blogging (without divulging anything too private, of course)? I’m a journalist, I love yoga and the beach. Good thing I moved to the beach!

3. When did you start blogging? April 2014, right before my big move.

4. Why do you blog? Stress relief! Writing my emotions down gets them out of my brain. I’ve met some wonderful people in the process!

5. How often do you post and why? At least once a week. Some days I want to post, other days I have to force myself. My therapist encourages my blog (and the cussing).

6. Do your friends and family know you blog? They know about it but they do not read it (Because I won’t let them).

7. How do you feel about posting personal pictures and info on yourself? I do it. I’m real, I’m human, this is me. If people I know stumble upon my blog and figure out it’s me, so be it.

8. Do you have more than one blog? If so, please share. I have a professional blog that really need to be updated!

9. What part of the world do you live in? Florida! I spent 26 years in Colorado before I moved to the beach.

10. What kind of music are you into? Indie Rock is my favorite, though I blast EDC at the gym and some days are country days.

AND HERE ARE THE BLOGS I’VE NOMINATED FOR THE SISTERHOOD OF THE WORLD BLOGGERS AWARD:

1. Pablo’s Wife from He Never Said He Loved Her. This woman is a fighter. She is honest and I admire the path she took. “This is my journey through the mucky waters of my husband’s infidelity”

2. The Opposite Side of the Street: Katie is hilarious and as real as it gets. When I first started blogging, knowing she was going through something similar made me feel so much better!

3. Lessons from the End of a Marriage – Great blog. Her and I have some good twitter banter from time to time. And again, she reminds me that I’m not alone on this journey.

4. I Put the Ass is Sassy: She’s funny, honest and doesn’t give s shit what others think, refreshing!

5. Divorced Kat: Her and I root for each other on  twitter, we are both divorced and navigating this horrible, terrible dating world.

6. Phoenix from Broken Christian Heart: Another strong woman going through a divorce, and I was fighting through the holidays right there with her!

7. SLAMMING THE RESET BUTTON: I’m new to following this woman. It’s so hard to tell our stories of abuse, betrayal and divorce. She is doing it.

MY QUESTIONS FOR THE NOMINATED SEVEN BLOGGERS:

1. What is your blog about?

2. Why did you start blogging?

3. When you started, did you think you’d end up where you are? (meeting people etc.)?

4. What’s the best thing about your blog?

5. What are some of your hobbies?

6. Do your friends and family know you blog?

7. How do you feel about posting personal pictures and info on yourself?

8. What is one of the best decisions you’ve ever made?

9. What part of the world do you live in?

10. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

I want to remind all of you wonderful women that you are amazing, strong and beautiful. No matter what you are going through (though for most of us it’s divorce) know that we are in this together. Thank you all for sharing your stories with me, whether you know I followed your story or not, you all inspire me.
Thanks again Athena!
dlj