A boy and a man

Where do I even begin on this one.
Mr. L was the guy I started dating a few weeks after I moved to Florida. He was also the first guy I dated after my divorce. He was nice, goofy and immature. It would have never worked so I was secretly happy he decided to move to Colorado. All of my exes now live in one state so I should probably NEVER move back there.

I stopped sleeping with him about a month ago and turned whatever we had into a friendship. I also started dating someone new last week. Stay with me here, this is going somewhere I promise.

I had lunch with Mr. L over the weekend to say a final goodbye. We got caught in the rain, had a few laughs and enjoyed ourselves. Shit got real when we were sitting in his car saying goodbye. He actually said “I’ve never said this to anyone so I’m not entirely sure but I love you.”

Crickets.

What the fuck? Where did that come from and what the hell do I say? It was like a scene out of a movie and it took everything I had to not say thank you and come up with something better to not break the boy’s heart.

Are you dying to know what I said? Well… It was something along the lines of “that’s so sweet, I care a lot about you.” He actually said “you’re not going to say it back?”

Ha, no buddy I’m not!!

I walked into work today and had a message from the front desk saying I had a package. It was a huge bouquet of roses from Mr. L and a card thanking me for the time we spent together and how much he already misses me. He left for Colorado this morning.

Seriously you guys, where do I find these guys?? I’m destined to be single forever.

Well, maybe not. Things are going oddly fantastic with my fisherman. I say oddly because I clearly have shitty luck in the love and dating department.

On Saturday my fisherman picked me up and we headed to the beach to snorkel and volunteer for a reef cleanup. It may sound like an odd date to you but I loved it! I really appreciate being around active, excited and passionate people especially after being with my POS cheating ex-husband who preferred to sit his ass on the couch than do ANYTHING else!

When I found out we were spending the day at the beach I pretty much didn’t eat for three days for the fear and anxiety of having to rock a bikini in front of him for the first time… I’ve since eaten my weight in Nutella, who am I kidding?

To make a long date short, it was awesome! Even saw a 10 foot nurse shark! He took me to lunch after which included a makeup- and deodorant-free few hours, so to say the least, he knows me well now. It also involved getting caught in and running through a crazy rain storm, stopping at a turtle rescue because he thought I would like it, a stop at my house so I could shower followed by him making dinner then watching a movie. He even pulled vegetables from his garden for our salad.

Um, if you like it, put a ring on it?

Too soon? OK OK you’re right….

But c’mon, he even has his own garden, loves to cook, owns his own house and insists on carrying my bag, snorkel gear or whatever else I’m holding. That my friends, is a good man! Oh and the chemistry? It’s pretty hot! #winning

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Crushing Hard

So that 36-year-old guy I spoke of last week when I was asking the dating Gods to give me a break?

I like him a lot!

First Date: Lasted almost five hours. FIVE HOURS you guys! it started by us sharing an appetizer, drinks and dessert at a cute gastropub downtown. Then we walked along the Riverwalk and chatted, a lot. 

Second Date: Not really a date, I went to his place because he was having a “Sharknado 2″ watching party with a few friends and was cooking up some lobster that he had caught that morning. He pretty much had my heart when I walked in the door and he handed me a plate with freshly cooked lobster, shrimp, scallops and a beer. I chatted with his friends then stayed at his place till after 1 a.m. There was no kiss, so I got a little nervous. thought he was friend-zoning me!

Date Three: After 10 days on vacation (which he texted me at least once per day) he picked me up and we headed out for dinner and drinks. We chatted for about two hours then headed to the beach to watch the supermoon. We sat on the beach covered in sand and waited for the moon to emerge from the clouds. He told me I was pretty then decided when the moon finally emerged, he should get to kiss me. IS THIS REAL LIFE? I agreed, then blushed, ha! It happened, the moon emerged and the kiss was amazing. So much chemistry! The moon went behind the clouds and he insisted he should get to kiss me again. I played along and enjoyed every minute of it. I’ll spare you the rest of the details but the night did include holding hands while walking on the beach and some seriously hot-and-heavy making out when he dropped me off. #mindblown

Date Four: We will call him fisherman because he loves to fish. Date Four was this morning and consisted of meeting at the beach at 5 a.m. to watch the meteor shower. It was beautiful! We saw a good 20 in the hour before the sun came up. He was so excited about it and kept thanking me for the great idea. It was also his birthday. This is a very new “thing” between us so one must tread lightly around birthdays. So I brought a mini cake and two forks for us to eat for breakfast. He loved it. #Seriouslymindblown

I’ll let you know how Date Five goes! 

Dating Gods, THANK YOU!

Strike three

Once upon a shitty time I caught my now ex-husband cheating on me.

Then one day I woke up and realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I’m living in paradise, or south Florida to some, and spending my days on the beach watching baby sea turtles makes their way to the water.

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God sure granted me with a great “new beginning” with a job a love and fantastic new friends.

Dating on the other hand… Oh boy.

I had two dates last week. One with a 33 year old with a steady job and decent looks. We had a lot in common so I gave it a shot. Dinner was OK. I had a glass of wine — because, let’s be real here I needed one to get through the awkward encounters of a first date.

He did not drink because it turns out he got a DUI a few years ago. Strike one.

He tried to school me on the local happenings in our area until I finally pulled the “dude, I work at the local newspaper, I know these things” card.

After dinner I decided he wasn’t crazy and hopped into his huge truck. Dude wasn’t a big dude so clearly he is making up for something with his truck. We ended up at the beach to check out the stars. Grossly romantic right? Barf.

Get this though… We parked and he said he had to pee. There was no bathroom so HE PEED NEXT TO HIS TRUCK!!

I thought he was kidding until I actually heard him pee then saw the stream running down the sand. WHO DOES THAT!! He went straight to strike three after that one. I had to play it cool because he drove and my goal was to make it through the evening and back to my car alive.

What happened to date etiquette???

The other date was so unentertaining that it’s not even worth mentioning. I do however have a date with a new guy this Saturday. He is 36 which is about as old as I would go. He is attractive and has his life together!! C’mon world, I’m not asking for too much here, just an attractive, well educated man who has his life together!

Until next time …

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Anyone seen my head?

It’s off spinning somewhere.

I can’t believe it’s already half way through July and all I have to show for it is a nice tan and an empty bank account. I’ve got zero money to waste at the grocery store so I’m living off of cheap produce from the farmers market behind my house. I guess losing ten pounds won’t be so hard after all. Watermelon anyone?

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Things could be worse though right? I could be living in a crappy townhouse with my crappy ex-husband.

You guys, I made it six months without him SIX MONTHS!! Exactly six months ago yesterday, I caught fuck face (that’s his name in my phone) telling another woman that he loved her over the phone. Can we please relive the moment that I punched that POS in the face?

Thank you!

In other news, it’s been exactly three months since I left Colorado for Florida. Best thing I ever did!

My sister who is almost 16 spent last week visiting me. I took a few days off of work and we explored my new home. This included kayaking out to a sunken ship and free diving down to see it. The thing sat in only 15 feet of water so nothing too crazy but the experience was amazing! My sister on the other hand thought I was bat shit crazy. She was too afraid of sharks, and God only knows what else was in that water, to do any exploring at all. We also kayaked through a river with alligators and I attempted to get her to paddleboard in the Indian River Lagoon with manatees but she was “totally over my weird obsession with adventure.”

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Between her visit, work and the need I feel to get back into dating whole living off of produce (can someone get me a fucking burger please?) and spending my free time at the (free!) beach my head is elsewhere. Oh, there are plenty of updates on Mr. L, fuck face and possible dating ventures happening soon but that will have to wait till my next post.

Excuse me while I go eat some carrots.

Vodka blues

I made a poor choice last night.

I had three beers and three shots.

My rowdy neighbors encouraged it. And what happens when I drink too much? I spill the beans about my life. They now know about the muffins and all my other issues with Mr. L. Including this new issue which, for the sake of Mr. L, they took my phone away from me so I wouldn’t say anything stupid and rather take my anger out on a bottle of vodka.

Monday night Mr. L sent me a text pretty late at night asking if I was up and if he could call. Of course I said yes. I’m a lover, guys, not a fighter. He informed me that when he goes to Colorado for three weeks, he left this morning, he is going to look for work.

Awesome, the first guy I actually like since having been with fuck face wants to move TO WHERE I JUST CAME FROM. Awesome.

He was afraid of losing what we have because “I’m so amazing” (well we already knew that didn’t we? Ha!)

I played nice and encouraged him to do what he feels he needs to do, I’m a firm believer in not living in the same place your whole life. I said I didn’t know what would happen between us. Obviously I won’t do long distance so more than likely we are done. But for now I’ll enjoy the companionship and the sex (when he returns) and look forward to the dates my neighbors want to set me up on.

Right now? I’m still in bed, nursing a hangover. Awesome.

Tears and ice cream

I cried last night for the first time since I’ve moved here which was 10 weeks ago.

You guys, that’s a serious record. So either I’m dead inside or I’m truly happy. 

I don’t know why I cried — but it was one of those “I’m all alone, I just ate way too much ice cream, is anybody in this world thinking about me?” moments. 

I may be happy but I never said I wasn’t crazy.

If there is anything I’m good at, it’s pushing people away. Case in point: Mr. L wanted me to come over last night — but the 45 minute drive and “I’m freaking out because I may actually like you” thoughts kicked in and sent me to hibernate under a blanket with ice cream and hide from the world — especially him.

I should probably add that he is leaving for three weeks to hang out in Colorado, you know my “home” which really just makes me home sick, don’t ask me why.

I should also mention that he wants to move there. I get it, he has lived here his whole life and you should never live in the same place your whole life.

So, this will “make or break” whatever non-relationship, lots-of-sex “dating” thing we are doing. He may come back and say “never mind, I don’t want to move.” or he may say, “I’m out, sorry babe Colorado is calling.”

Insert emotional yet inspirational paragraph here.

Actually, just get me some more fucking ice cream please. 

 

When muffins lead to a meltdown

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Seriously, blueberry muffins.
Here’s what happened: Mr. L came over Friday night to stay the night. I thought it would be fun to make blueberry muffins the next morning for breakfast. All was going well and we even shared raw batter before baking the muffins. I pulled them out when they were perfect and immediately put four (they were rather small) on a plate for him. Why four? Because fuck face used to always eat four when we would make them almost every weekend.

Mr. L’s reaction to my enormous serving was to say he only wanted two.

When I realized what I had done it put me into a downward spiral of man hating that led to an anxiety attack and me going borderline ballistic in front of the new guy I’m dating. And by ballistic I mean completely silent while fighting and emotional internal battle of not letting this great new guy see how crazy I can be.

What the fuck? They are just muffins. But I felt the need to chuck the muffins through the wall. Not because he only wanted two, because normal human beings only want two. It had nothing to do with him and it had everything to do with piece of shit of an ex-husband and how everywhere I look there is a memory that reminds me of him.

I had two muffins, Mr. L had two muffins and I couldn’t deal with the rest of the muffins so much that I wrapped them all up and took them to my neighbor.

Yes, I know I’m crazy.

Fucking muffins.

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