Cute, gross

I’m tired of all the cuteness on Facebook today.

I keep seeing photos of everyone with their significant others, wedding photos and baby photos. Gross. can you all stop please?

I’m just over here hoping I don’t become a crazy cat lady one day.

Here’s what’s going on…

I’m kinda over the fisherman. The guy complains about work ALL the time. For 37 he is quite lost in life and really I just can’t take it anymore. Sorry dude, the back rubs and cooking skills are not quite enough to keep me around. The problem though? I don’t know how to cut it off! I’ve been avoiding him the past few days. Today he tried to invite himself to a party with my friends. Me = smothered. And not a burrito with green chili unfortunately.

I had a Match.com date. Then I cancelled it.

I’m a little lost. I’ve had a few dreams about fuck face (read: ex-husband) and it’s brought out some emotion I didn’t realize I had.

On a positive note, I’m waking up inside. For more than eight months now, I’ve been numb — dead inside. That’s what catching your husband telling another woman he loves her will do to you.

It’ll also make you lose weight, change your whole life and never trust another human being again.

What I do know is I’m not ready for anything serious. But, I’d like to find a nice, attractive guy who has his shit together to keep me company. And have a lot of sex. A girl’s got needs OK?

If you all know of any of those beings, send ‘em my way, deal?

End rant.

Bronco Blues

I went to my fisherman’s house last night for dinner and to watch the Denver Broncos game. 

I’ve been a little turned off by him the past week, so I took some space. This was the first night I’d seen him — and agreed to stay with him — in a while. 

I didn’t realize that a simple football game would bring up so much emotion. It made me miss Colorado, my home, my family and all things weekend football party and fall in Denver. 

Things are so different now.

And to make matters worse, I cried. Like a baby. And wanted to run away from him so I could hibernate in my bed and think of all the things I miss. 

For once I felt like I had emotions again, that I wasn’t dead inside (which I’ve been since the day I caught fuck face cheating). 

I didn’t run away though, you guys! I must be growing up! instead  I stayed and talked about why I was upset. He comforted me in a way I’ve never been before. We started talking about “us” and I was able to get a few things off my chest (even stupid stuff like that bathroom issue) and the fact that sometimes he talks over me.

It was a real adult conversation! After so many years with f.f. I forgot what that was even like! 

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Here is me being completely spoiled with wine, dinner, football and my feet up.

He did bring up the “what are we” conversation. Again I wanted to run but instead I told him I wasn’t quite ready to be his girlfriend. 

I don’t know what I am ready for….

On a whim Saturday night, I signed up for Match.com. Terrible idea?

That same night, I had phone sex with Mr. L who is living in Denver if you recall.

Does this sound like an episode of Sex and the City yet?

I am a mess, i know. 

#Idon’tknowhowtobesingle

Irrational turnoffs

You guys, I need your help.

I don’t know if I’m being irrational, putting up a wall or am completely right about these few minor things that happened with my fisherman, the guy I’m dating (second guy since my divorce).

First, he peed with the door open. OK many of you do this I’m sure but one, it’s too soon for that, we’ve been dating for a month. And two, I never, not once went to the bathroom in front of my ex-husband. Call me crazy, but I think some things should always be kept private. Your toilet business is one of them.

Second, on first glance, his house is pretty tidy and clean. But when you look close, or open the microwave for God’s sakes, it’s SO dirty! We’re talking gross here. OK I know this house Is somewhat of a bachelor pad but c’mon can we please keep the microwaves from looking like an animal exploded inside of it?

And lastly, the guy sweats like crazy. It’s fine… Except when he sweats on me while having sex. Uh, I had to rinse off in the shower when we were done. Also gross.

Help! What do I do? I’m i just being sensitive? Are all men like this in one way or another?

In every other way (so far) the guy is fabulous. He loves to cook for me and we had a fabulous meal last night.

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He is very affectionate which I love and has his shit together! Something that’s required to date me.

So what’s my problem? Clearly I’m afraid of getting serious with anyone after what I went through with my ex-husband (his name is fuck face for a reason). But is the fear making me nit pick? Is it making me find reasons to not be with someone? Ugh, post divorce dating dilemmas… Help!!

Slapped by nature

I hit the beach for a sunrise run this morning. I haven’t been in two weeks and that makes me sad! I’ve been to busy with getting my ass kicked at work (election night) and extra curricular activities (my fisherman).

It was a beautiful morning, the waves were huge from the hurricane way offshore.

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I ran about a mile down the beach and about stepped on this little guy…

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I was looking down a hole in the rocks on the beach, the hole was about the size of my head and I could see waves through the hole.

I saw a prime opportunity to take an artsy Instagram photo of said hole to pretend like I have some artistic talent.

Before a knew it, a huge wave came in, hit the hole and sprayed so much water on me it felt like being hit with a fire hose! So really, I was bitch slapped by the ocean.

I walked the mile back down the beach, soaked, with sand in every crevasse of my body — nose, ears, hair among many others.

The seat in my car is soaked and I’ll be pulling sand out of my hair for days.

Well played Mother Nature.

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Lets talk about…

My mother always wants a play-by-play of what I am doing with my life. Lately, there has been a lot of play-by-play about my fisherman, the new guy I’ve been dating that is 10 years older than I am.

Then my mother decided to be entirely too nosey and ask about sex.

Uh, is it normal to talk about orgasms with your mother? I don’t think so.

But, I shouldn’t be surprised, my mother has no filter. So I told her enough to get her off my back without giving her the dirty details. Does she really need to know the details? She asked my if it was good, and I said “well I’m still sleeping with him so yes. it’s good.” Then she asked me how my fisherman compared to fuckface, my awful ex-husband. How do I even go about explaining this! Ha. My response was “he lasts a lot longer.” She thought this was hilarious but then wanted even more details. I finally caved and said “Mom! yes he is good and he can get me off quickly. Fuckface could only get me off ‘manually.'”

Manually, ha! I should make a list of all the things I don’t miss about my ex-husband and send them to him in the mail.

A boy and a man

Where do I even begin on this one.
Mr. L was the guy I started dating a few weeks after I moved to Florida. He was also the first guy I dated after my divorce. He was nice, goofy and immature. It would have never worked so I was secretly happy he decided to move to Colorado. All of my exes now live in one state so I should probably NEVER move back there.

I stopped sleeping with him about a month ago and turned whatever we had into a friendship. I also started dating someone new last week. Stay with me here, this is going somewhere I promise.

I had lunch with Mr. L over the weekend to say a final goodbye. We got caught in the rain, had a few laughs and enjoyed ourselves. Shit got real when we were sitting in his car saying goodbye. He actually said “I’ve never said this to anyone so I’m not entirely sure but I love you.”

Crickets.

What the fuck? Where did that come from and what the hell do I say? It was like a scene out of a movie and it took everything I had to not say thank you and come up with something better to not break the boy’s heart.

Are you dying to know what I said? Well… It was something along the lines of “that’s so sweet, I care a lot about you.” He actually said “you’re not going to say it back?”

Ha, no buddy I’m not!!

I walked into work today and had a message from the front desk saying I had a package. It was a huge bouquet of roses from Mr. L and a card thanking me for the time we spent together and how much he already misses me. He left for Colorado this morning.

Seriously you guys, where do I find these guys?? I’m destined to be single forever.

Well, maybe not. Things are going oddly fantastic with my fisherman. I say oddly because I clearly have shitty luck in the love and dating department.

On Saturday my fisherman picked me up and we headed to the beach to snorkel and volunteer for a reef cleanup. It may sound like an odd date to you but I loved it! I really appreciate being around active, excited and passionate people especially after being with my POS cheating ex-husband who preferred to sit his ass on the couch than do ANYTHING else!

When I found out we were spending the day at the beach I pretty much didn’t eat for three days for the fear and anxiety of having to rock a bikini in front of him for the first time… I’ve since eaten my weight in Nutella, who am I kidding?

To make a long date short, it was awesome! Even saw a 10 foot nurse shark! He took me to lunch after which included a makeup- and deodorant-free few hours, so to say the least, he knows me well now. It also involved getting caught in and running through a crazy rain storm, stopping at a turtle rescue because he thought I would like it, a stop at my house so I could shower followed by him making dinner then watching a movie. He even pulled vegetables from his garden for our salad.

Um, if you like it, put a ring on it?

Too soon? OK OK you’re right….

But c’mon, he even has his own garden, loves to cook, owns his own house and insists on carrying my bag, snorkel gear or whatever else I’m holding. That my friends, is a good man! Oh and the chemistry? It’s pretty hot! #winning

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Crushing Hard

So that 36-year-old guy I spoke of last week when I was asking the dating Gods to give me a break?

I like him a lot!

First Date: Lasted almost five hours. FIVE HOURS you guys! it started by us sharing an appetizer, drinks and dessert at a cute gastropub downtown. Then we walked along the Riverwalk and chatted, a lot. 

Second Date: Not really a date, I went to his place because he was having a “Sharknado 2″ watching party with a few friends and was cooking up some lobster that he had caught that morning. He pretty much had my heart when I walked in the door and he handed me a plate with freshly cooked lobster, shrimp, scallops and a beer. I chatted with his friends then stayed at his place till after 1 a.m. There was no kiss, so I got a little nervous. thought he was friend-zoning me!

Date Three: After 10 days on vacation (which he texted me at least once per day) he picked me up and we headed out for dinner and drinks. We chatted for about two hours then headed to the beach to watch the supermoon. We sat on the beach covered in sand and waited for the moon to emerge from the clouds. He told me I was pretty then decided when the moon finally emerged, he should get to kiss me. IS THIS REAL LIFE? I agreed, then blushed, ha! It happened, the moon emerged and the kiss was amazing. So much chemistry! The moon went behind the clouds and he insisted he should get to kiss me again. I played along and enjoyed every minute of it. I’ll spare you the rest of the details but the night did include holding hands while walking on the beach and some seriously hot-and-heavy making out when he dropped me off. #mindblown

Date Four: We will call him fisherman because he loves to fish. Date Four was this morning and consisted of meeting at the beach at 5 a.m. to watch the meteor shower. It was beautiful! We saw a good 20 in the hour before the sun came up. He was so excited about it and kept thanking me for the great idea. It was also his birthday. This is a very new “thing” between us so one must tread lightly around birthdays. So I brought a mini cake and two forks for us to eat for breakfast. He loved it. #Seriouslymindblown

I’ll let you know how Date Five goes! 

Dating Gods, THANK YOU!